Как да разбереш дали си българин

В Смокини и черници видях наръчник за безпогрешно разпознаване на българина, първоизточник е Българският клуб във Франкфурт:

You know you are Bulgarian when...

You don't want to have or do any business with Bulgarians.

You started to drink at the age of 12.

It takes over 8 years to finish college.

You live with your mom and dad until you are married.

When you make jokes based on your own tragedy.

At your wedding you know only about a third of the guests.

Your mom uses lard instead of Crisco to fry eggs...and tells you it's good for you.

Duck tape is your father's only tool next to using a kitchen knife as a screwdriver.

Your 15 year old sister can out-drink any American.

At least one of your friends' nickname is "Sasho".

Your father calls you a dummy for not knowing how to do something he can't do either.

You drive a better car than your parents.

There is a 120-gallon barrel of wine and cabbage in your garage.

There is more alcohol in your liquor cabinet than at the local bar.

You are 18 years old but your parents still call you by your sibling's or pet's name.

You can hear your dad snoring from across the street.

Your baba and diado live in your basement.

Your dad's sneeze scares you.

Your dad carries around enough money to buy a car.

Both your parents had to walk to school barefoot in the snow, 5 km uphill - both ways - and over rocks and they make sure to remind you every time you get in your car.

There is at least one relative that your family refuses to talk to.

Being someone's best man really has no meaning.

Your church has a fully loaded bar.

Your parents have a shot of rakiya for breakfast.

You have a Bulgarian cross, flag, or icon, hanging from your rear view mirror.

If you're a girl and not married by the age of 20 you are an old maid.

You base your whole life on the fortune in your coffee cup.

Your mom tells you not to sit on cement or your ovaries will freeze.

There is a slab of fat in your fridge called 'slanina.'

When your baba will not accept the fact that you're not hungry.

You go to a restaurant and you bring your own drinks.

You live for the annual soccer tournament.

When your grandma insists that farting is healthy.

All of your elderly acquaintances are scared of drafts.

When you can hear your parents talking and you are across the street.

When you're a girl, and you dye your hair no other color than burgundy.

Everyone is sure you're Greek or Italian.

No one has ever pronounced your name right, and every kid on the block has a different nickname for it.

When you can always smell garlic on your parents breath and they insist that is kills bacteria.

When your mother yells at you for taking a shower each and every morning with her sarcasm "Did you plow the fields today?"

When no matter how old you are, your parents never say you're right.

When you're 6'5 and 150 kg and your parents still think you are too skinny.

When you're hungry, and then you go and buy a pack of smokes.

When your baba would rather walk 5 miles to the grocery store instead of pay a quarter to take the bus.

When you have a chicken running in your back yard.

When your father is talking to you and every other word he calls you is budala.

You have a shot of rakiya followed by 4erno kafe and a pack of Marlboro for breakfast.

You sport the latest Nike and Adidas outfits but have never exercised in your life.

You always have the latest mobile phone on the market.

You can spend 3 hrs in a Cafe drinking the same cup of coffee.

Calling someone for a chat at 1 am on a weeknight is normal.

When your parents call relatives in Bulgaria and they have to shout to be heard.

As soon as you tell a neighbor you're Bulgarian they usually scream STOICKOV with a weird accent.

When you're married with kids and your mother still insists on cooking for you.

When you beg a friend who's going back to Bulgaria to buy you some "good" cigarettes.

When you step on poop and your mom tells you that it's a sign of luck or money.

You know you're Bulgarian when you're 25, live on your own, and still sneak up the stairs when you get home at six in the morning.

Your parents insist that piling blankets on you body is the way to cure your 102 degree fever.

When you started going to clubs when you were 14.

When you think chalga is good music.

When you are never certain whether stay abroad or return to Bulgaria.

You know you're Bulgarian when your dad thinks everyone in China has a black belt.

When people still think that you are from Bolivia no matter how many times you say you're from Bulgaria.

When your parents' friends have no shame in telling you you've gained weight.

You know you're Bulgarian when all you have to do is sniffle and your parents say "uh-huh" and start yelling at you for getting sick.

You are adored the first 10 years of your life, then treated like a complete idiot until you get married.

You move next door to a family member to be closer but then end up not talking to each other because of something stupid you said when you were drunk.

...YOU KNOW YOU'RE BULGARIAN WHEN YOU HAVE RUN AWAY FROM BULGARIA... AND STILL SAY IT'S THE BEST PLACE TO LIVE...

:)

Ако си каже някой, че само ние, българите сме склонни да се самооплюваме, нека види най-известната флаш анимация на великолепния Бруно Бодзето:

"Italians vs. Europeans"